Most people talk about healing like it’s this calm, gentle transition. But nobody tells you what actually happens when life finally gives you everything you’ve been praying for. Because the truth is: when you’ve lived most of your life in uncertainty, peace isn’t just unfamiliar… it feels unsafe.
Last night I had a breakthrough about that.
It wasn’t loud or dramatic.
It was just real.
I realized I’m not scared of love !
I’m scared of losing what this love new provides.
When Good Things Finally Arrive, the Mind Starts Whispering
My problem isn’t that I expect chaos.
My problem is I don’t know how to relax into something healthy. I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I start getting intrusive thoughts like:
“What if this is temporary?”
“What if this is too good for you?”
“What if something goes wrong?”
“What if you mess this up?”
Not because the relationship is unstable, it’s actually the most stable, warm, and consistent thing I’ve ever experienced.
But when a man has never had love that feels safe, clean, and whole.
His mind will try to convince him something this good can’t last.
It’s not my body tensing up.
It’s my thoughts trying to prepare me for a loss that isn’t even happening.
The Fear Isn’t About Her, It’s Old Conditioning
I had to sit with the truth:
My fear doesn’t come from the present me.
It comes from the versions of me that only knew instability.
When you finally get love that brings warmth, calm, and belonging, the mind goes.
“Don’t get too comfortable… you know how this goes.”
Except now… that’s not how this goes.
This is different.
This is healthy.
This is stable.
This is mutual.
This is family.
So the fear isn’t about losing her.
The fear is about losing the feeling she brings into my life, safety, connection, consistency, a home.
Learning to Trust Something You’ve Never Had Before
Now the work is shifting from survival to presence.
I’m learning how to:
• Quiet the intrusive thoughts.
• Trust what’s real instead of what I fear.
• Stop predicting loss in moments that are full of love.
• Receive stability without doubting it.
• Accept belonging without thinking it’s borrowed.
I realized that intrusive thoughts don’t mean something is wrong.
They mean something finally feels right and my mind isn’t updated yet.
The Breakthrough
The simple truth I found last night:
You can’t lose something that was meant to find you.
Not when it’s aligned.
Not when it’s healthy.
Not when both people are choosing each other.
Sometimes life finally gives you everything you needed, and the real work is letting yourself believe you won’t lose it.
This is the beginning of me learning to trust good things without sabotaging them.
Learning to trust love without fearing the loss of it.
Learning to trust peace without thinking it has an expiration date.
I’m not scared of the relationship.
I’m scared of believing I finally deserved it.
But I do.
And I’m learning that now one breakthrough at a time.
