Understanding Intrusive Thoughts: What You Need to Know

Let’s talk about the thoughts that sneak in when you’re alone. The ones that make you flinch, question yourself, reality, and the people around you.

Intrusive thoughts.

They’re the mental spam no one asked for. Random, often dark, and hard to shake. And if you’ve had them (you probably have), you’re not broken. You’re not crazy. You’re human.

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What Are Intrusive Thoughts?

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, distressing thoughts that pop into your mind out of nowhere. They’re often violent, tragic, self-critical, or just straight up weird. And because they feel so out of character, they can be deeply upsetting.

Thoughts like:

• “What if my mom dies suddenly?”
• “What if I mess everything up on purpose?”
• “What if they are using me?”
• “Why did I have to see him or her after all this time, and why do I care?”

They can be quick and fleeting, or they can loop on repeat like a broken record. Either way, they’re hard to ignore and harder to admit.

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Where Do They Come From?

Intrusive thoughts aren’t some moral failure. They’re a glitch in the matrix, often tied to anxiety, trauma, depression, OCD, or just chronic stress.

Sometimes they come from:

• Past experiences: Old wounds the brain hasn’t fully processed.
• Fear: The brain trying to “prepare” for the worst-case scenario.
• Guilt or shame: Thoughts that echo old emotional messaging.
• Perfectionism: The higher the emotional stakes, the more intense the inner panic.

Your brain throws these thoughts at you to protect you from emotional pain. But, it ends up creating more emotional pain.

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The Ripple Effect of Intrusive Thoughts

Left unchecked, intrusive thoughts don’t just live in your head. They show up in your relationships, your work, and your self-esteem.

They can:

• Make you pull away from people you love out of fear or guilt.
• Sabotage friendships with overthinking, second guessing, and emotional shutdown.
• Ruin relationships by making you constantly question your partner’s intentions, or your own.
• Hold you back from achieving goals because you start believing the worst about yourself before you even try.

The thoughts tell you: “I’m too old to go back to school.”
So you don’t try. Or you start and then quit.

They shrink your world. Quietly, but powerfully.

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My Story

I remember sitting at the kitchen table with my mom one afternoon. We were just talking about something normal, groceries, bills. I don’t even remember. Out of nowhere, I had this wave hit me:

“What if she died right now? What if this is the last conversation we ever have?”

My throat tightened. I couldn’t hear half of what she was saying after that. My brain was already spiraling into funeral plans, regrets, and panic over something that hadn’t even happened. Something I had no reason to believe was about to happen.

I felt sick. Guilty. And ashamed, because in that moment, I couldn’t explain what was wrong.

Later that night, I googled it. I was half hoping I’d find something that would tell me I was messed up. But instead, I found the term intrusive thoughts.

I learned that what I had wasn’t a sign of intuition or madness. It was a symptom of anxiety and a pretty common one, actually.

These thoughts weren’t predicting anything. They were trying to prepare me for the pain of potential loss. They did so by imagining it in the most intense, detailed way possible. Which is messed up, but also… oddly human.

Knowing that didn’t erase the fear. But it gave me language. It gave me space. And it reminded me I wasn’t alone.

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What They’re Not

• They’re not a reflection of who you are.
• They’re not predictions.
• They’re not signs that something bad is about to happen.
• And they’re not under your conscious control.

You’re not broken. You’re just someone who feels deeply and fears loss, maybe more than you let on.

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How to Cope With Intrusive Thoughts

Here’s what helps when your brain gets loud:

1. Label the Thought

Name it: “That’s an intrusive thought.” Not a prophecy. Not a warning. Just your anxious brain making noise.

2. Don’t Try to Push It Away

Resisting it makes it stronger. Let it float by. Like a dark storm cloud , but passing.

3. Get Curious, Not “Judgy“

Ask yourself: “Why did that thought hit so hard?” Chances are, it’s connected to how much you care.

4. Ground Yourself in the Current

Come back to where you are. Breathe. Look around. Touch something. You’re here, not in that imaginary worst-case world.

5. Say It Out Loud

If you can, tell someone. A friend, a therapist, someone safe. Shame dies when you speak the truth out loud.

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Healing is Slow, But Real

Healing from intrusive thoughts doesn’t mean they’ll never show up again. It means they won’t rattle you the same way. You’ll see them for what they are…. noise, not truth.

I’d love to know:

• When your mind spirals, what helps you come back to yourself?
• Has anxiety ever made you push people away, even the ones you love most?
• Do your intrusive thoughts sound like your voice… or someone else’s?

You are not your thoughts.
You’re the one watching them.
You’re the one choosing what to believe.
You’re the one growing through it.

You’re grown and still figuring it out.
And that’s more than enough.

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Quick Research Insight

A study in the Journal of Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders reported that over 90% of people experience intrusive thoughts. These include terrifying “what if” thoughts about losing loved ones.

The thoughts don’t mean you’re sick, broken, or cursed.
They mean you’re human.

Reference: Radomsky, A. S., et al. (2014). “Part of the human condition: Public perceptions of intrusive thoughts.” Journal of Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders.